I want to introduce you to my shadow side.
The side of me that is very familiar with the traits of XV – The Devil.
You know, the tarot card.
This is a part of me that remains so active as the shadow to my light.
The sad thing is, I keep inviting it in more than my joy.
I made a sigil candle once, and well, I had this shadow tell me that the joy I have is never going to last. I then found out after trying to light this bright yellow candle I infused, it fell off my nightstand and broke the glass.
7 years of bad luck?
No, but it was enough to wake me up to see how certain I had felt. That this time of dark night would happen. Welcome to the star in reverse, the shadow in which I like to call my self-sabotage.
This Devil archetype loves to play this game almost every day of my life. The part of my psyche that tells me that you are not a woman, you are more a man.
The part of myself that asks shallowly, how can one be so swollen in the belly with no child bore?
The part in which my body continues to ache for love, attention, and need of liberty from the pain in my reproductive area.
Like a howling wolf crying on a dark, wet, rainy full moon night. My emotions become so sick, tired, and even depressed. So stuck in this cycle, I almost paused in this moon cycle from my monthly banishing I felt I required, I simply didn’t feel I was seeing enough change to do so.
The night air so sharp, wet, and inviting, it’s drenched with unspoken mystery. No words of promises, or any words for self really. Just feelings I could easily do without.
The only things shown to me were introduced as isolation. Upon the very thought of filling that void, experiencing other negative thoughts, and even harsh feelings like disapproval.
This is its main course. For a lovely side dish, visions of me vicariously living a life of obsession that can only be soothed by carbs and a ‘poor me’ theme song.
To be Continued…..
Until We Meet Again,
Reiki Blesssings From Your Raven of Hope
