The Devil comes and goes you know?
That obsession that you think is soothing, but in fact, it is only an illusion of healing.
That is the part that writhes me from within.
The energy that is surrounding you all the time, it almost becomes like a taste of your own medicine turned inward. Your own advice, twisted and used against you.
Imagine being someone that would never hurt a soul, yet here are those inward feelings hurting you, haunting you.
How do you re-establish that bond of health again?
It won’t be easy, it will be more tempting to stop healing altogether as the agonizing pain continues to creep.
It won’t stop abruptly.
It takes every bit of awareness from you. It makes you live out some of your worst fears in reality, not in your softened daydreams.
Then, it starts to tug at you.
Your healing light may taunt you with a game of sorts. It will grab your attention by adding more darkness of, entrapping you in tug and drag.
When I would lie sleep in my bed, I would notice something in my third eye. A shadow that would start to show how it wanted to pull me out of bed and under the floor by my feet.
Yet, I stop and allow myself to label it as a manifestation of trauma and know not to let the thought linger.
As I write this I see that it is my goddess Morrigan tell me to listen.
I would choose not to allow myself to channel wisdom for myself. Instead, I chose to listen to the dull whispers of suspense.
Of the lullaby that would act as a subtle way to say goodbye to my willpower.
To make matters drearier, I am followed.
I never knew it until recently, that we create portals leading to the things that may torment us. Most time, more than we may know.
We create them subconsciously, and soon after they are like tattoos.
Just below our hard surface, yet visible to the trained eye.
The one that haunts me the most is the one on my arm. One that I used to love more than myself.
It’s a star tattoo that I bought one day for myself what I call and my, ‘shadow twin flame’.
It is a portal into my dreams now.
Dreams that I still try to convince myself are real.
That it is possible to live in this fantasy.
“If only he could finally act the way my shadow self likes, then maybe everything could be alright.”
I know now more than ever that I need to heal this shadow, to rebuild it.
I think that the Raven which follows me with my present reality is the key. That in its own way, my Raven of hope is beckoning me to answer my own joy.
‘That should do it. Tattoo myself once more, allow the pain to roll back down to a simmer so that I can finally come back to present to see the facts, rather than the romantic fantasy that has been burning for years.
I just need to take things one day at a time, one archetype at a time, one card at a time until I can heal.
One theme, one fact at a time, continuing the work as a present-day healing process, rather than a historical book of the same cycle and same story.
To be Continued…..
Until We Meet Again,
Reiki Blesssings From Your Raven of Hope
